May 2013
1 post
4 tags
Beautiful Organs: Selling Health
April 2013
1 post
Why scientists should care about art | At the... →
I think that, just as I’m graduating, people are starting to care about this junction. Although I am choosing to abandon one field…it’s a huge part of my thinking/living/creating/researching process.
March 2013
3 posts
Dear universe,
I would like something good to happen to me. Instead of losing friends, getting violently ill, having no future, and destroying my Mac which I use for school…. How about something that’s not so taxing on my mind/body/intellect?
Maybe a bunny magically appears outside my apartment.
Maybe my Mac gets fixed for a reasonable price
Maybe the few people I speak to dont...
i don’t want to walk at graduation. i just want my diploma. end of story. no one sees. no one has to say a blurb about me. i just get to leave.
what a fucking low point. why is every semester a low point
February 2013
1 post
I am ever so thankful for Monica and Jake. They have made this surgery/recovery/notjumpingoutthewindow so much better than it would have been alone. If there is any reason to be alive it is the two of them.
It’s okay that my friends abandon me, or that I may not be the best at things, or that my health is never great.
January 2013
3 posts
I can count the friends I have on my hands. Probably one hand. I’m sure that in ten years, if i get that far, that this will all have been some really great learning experience.
Lately I have been really discouraged by the flood of unfortunate events that seem to have broken through the wall of false strength. I am finishing up my grad school applications, something my heart isn’t fully into. I thought i would be happy to graduate and onto medical school by now, but I guess things never go as planned. My family is in India and not only do my parents not really know...
December 2012
2 posts
the happy mask: carnegie mellon must address... →
This article is informative. I think it addresses issues that are true for many universities and something we all knew coming into freshman year. If you didn’t expect yourself to be stressed out all the time, stretched beyond your limits, and confused, then you probably should have gone to a college with a different environment. All these comments that people are posting on fb and on the...
November 2012
2 posts
sometimes i wonder if i got into carnegie mellon by accident, if i’m just regular, everyone talks about the students of cmu like they’re filled with this talent, intelligence, skill, prospect…that only special kinds of people have. i don’t know if i’m like that. or if i’ll be as great as everyone else here.
must be the flu talking.
being a student is like putting life on hold and living in a continuum of semesters. you put your life on hold for the day off. the breaks. the days that are free and in between. when you near completion you have to take charge of your life and the people in it. when you realize that the people in it are also part of the suspension, everything is quiet. you have to be alone because regardless of...
October 2012
5 posts
5 tags
my inability to relate to people is becoming a problem.
today is a hard day. i feel incredibly jealous and am trying to let go of that. i feel at a loss for choice. i don’t know how to choose between a person i love and my education (location wise i suppose).
the last risk i took was coming to CMU. that didn’t turn out too well.
I had someone tell me I couldn’t be a doctor and a mother. You’re wrong.
September 2012
2 posts
4 tags
June 2012
3 posts
6 tags
This woman is inspiring. She doesn't limit... →
I sit alone, usually in the dark (who wants to pay electricity bills?) until its time to go to bed. This kind of loneliness is unbearable. The kind that forces you to rely on one person with hopes that they will never tire of your company.
I am watching myself sit through the day. I have so many things I could should would be doing but there is a point when the time you spend in your own mind...
May 2012
8 posts
“Make your own Bible. Select and collect all the words and sentences that in all...”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
i’m having a panic attack. or not a panic attack. but the kind that lasts longer than a panic attack. and i can’t talk to anyone. and i need jake. but i don’t want to wake him up. and i feel really alone. and i want to do things that are not good. i dont know what to do im sad i feel like i did when i was 16. i don’t know how to take care of anything anymore. all i can do...
I AM STUCK
Be really good at one thing.
In high school I tried to do everything. Much like now, I was heavily involved in art, and science. I took all the AP classes and the required classes. I played flute in the band. I was in the orchestra. I had two or three leadership positions. I was a runner outside of the athletic program. I merged them all together. I was involved outside of school in a clinical shadowing experience. I played...
4 tags
my GI in houston won’t give me a referral to the hospital in ohio
i feel like i’m not a person. that im being shafted by a system that shouldn’t be happening.
I feel like I wasted my parents money. i feel like if i don’t go to medical school i will disappoint myself and everyone around me. most of all i feel like everyone around me is striving for happiness, good friends, good memories, and a life defined by their families, relationships, and experience- school is just a part of it. my entire basis of happiness is defined by my success in...
it’s difficult to live with actors. who get to live these glamorous lives. well i guess the two that i live with are so incredibly talented that i’m sure they’ll live those lives. so it’s almost a constant reminder of the dullness of my prospective career. i’m sitting studying as i have been for the past..well my whole life. my roommate is packing for LA. “into...
April 2012
7 posts
This is a positive post with a few negative...
1. I just had 4 shots of espresso in effort to keep myself awake until at least 2 am… 2. I haven’t stayed up past 1 am for a long time for school 3. I thank my real person-real job-goes to bed at 12:30 boyfriend for this glorious bedtime 4. Caffeine is making my boobs hurt 5. I’m so wired the pain is comical. To relieve this, i am wearing two sports bras at the SAME time 6. today...
i’m pretty sure my vital organs are beginning to fail….which should concern me but i’m too tired. not too tired to tumblr post about it…
Today I spent five hours with an IV of fluids on a strange, hard, patient room table because my inability to keep food in my body has become a huge problem. I feel more fatigued than i’ve ever felt before. i could literally sleep for 20 hours every day. I missed my organic chemistry test. I have a doctors appointment with a GI on friday but it wont matter.
March 2012
6 posts
MY CAT WILL NOT STOP MEOWING
I LET HIM OUTSIDE ONCE AND NOW HE WILL NOT STOP RUNNING AWAY. IF HE JUST PLAYED ON THE ROOF AND DIDNT GO INTO PEOPLES’ YARDS THEN IT WOULD BE OKAY
I CAN’T FOCUS ON ANYTHING
I WANT A DOG
I WILL WRITE IN ALL CAPS IF I PLEASE
I accomplished nothing over spring break besides playing housewife and cooking for Jake. other than that i successfully sat on my ass and did nothing but think. Also, i’m the most boring college student ever. i have zero desire to go out and drink, have fun, or be around other people. you’d think this kind of behavior would make me smart. ha. no.
Washington DC was amazing. This was the perfect weekend. Black Keys. Smithsonians. Georgetown. I couldn’t have asked for a better birthday present from anyone. (the next sentence will be sappy) Jake is completely and utterly the most wonderful person I know.
SO MANY ADORABLE ANIMALS. →
this will make your life at least a little better
After sitting in the same chair for 10 hours and working on the same thing i felt like taking a break and getting a drink at harris. OH then i realized that if i go alone that will be weird and then i realized i can’t call anyone to go with me
OH its because i’ve isolated myself to the point where my boyfriend is my only friend but even better, my cat is who i spend the most time...
February 2012
7 posts
3 tags
I don’t think there’s going to be a day where i feel well. when i stop being sick. when i stop throwing up. when my head stops screaming at me. when people stop probing me with medication and treatment. today is really difficult and i’m trying to find a alternative way to think about it, but obviously didn’t try hard enough.
I have a lot of dreams. Particularly lucid ones…but when i wake up i can’t remember which ones were real.
my memories are made of dreams lately and it’s confusing to have to differentiate within the mass of dreams i had …
