February 2012
7 posts
3 tags
I don’t think there’s going to be a day where i feel well. when i stop being sick. when i stop throwing up. when my head stops screaming at me. when people stop probing me with medication and treatment. today is really difficult and i’m trying to find a alternative way to think about it, but obviously didn’t try hard enough.
I have a lot of dreams. Particularly lucid ones…but when i wake up i can’t remember which ones were real.
my memories are made of dreams lately and it’s confusing to have to differentiate within the mass of dreams i had …
January 2012
19 posts
112.
i said i would stop now. but i think i can go at least 7 more. I watched the movie, The Skin I live In the other day…what a piece of art.
i have 14 dollars to my name. this is truly pathetic. i have to start going back to therapy and i dont want to. it’s pointless and a huge waste of money. i’m painting a blood fluke. but right now it looks like a penis. i really don’t want it to end up looking like a penis. what a weird conceptual discussion that would be in crit.
4 tags
Watch
www.davidseah.com
I am going to try these organization sheets to try to balance my life and my time and my mind.
Being surround by people and feeling utterly alone is too common a problem to be a problem. It’s what everyone says they feel like, and thus not worthy of commenting. But I’m not surrounded by anyone. I in fact flee from the people I could be surrounded by and then feel the need to be sad about it. Wallow in my self-imposed pit of loneliness. Like most things my brain is plagued by,...
Radiolab- Secrets of Success →
I want to check into a psych ward, because that seemed to be the only thing that ever got me anywhere.
this is what blogs are for. so i won’t feel badly about writing it. but sometimes, like now, i realize that i have a problem which i did not choose to have like most people it hinders me from having good relationships from doing well in the things i pursue and if it spend too much time alone or don’t take my medication it spills over like when you’re boiling pasta and the foam...
December 2011
7 posts
1 tag
We crave the things which crawl inside our souls.
Upon seeing, sensing, hearing, inhaling, smelling, the thing that we will soon crave, it enters us.
Like the penetration of an enclosed space.
An unwanted traveler sometimes prolongs their stay in an unseemly place.
The things which we crave are not often the things we want to crave.
Sometimes they nest inside the warmth of your body. the...
Snarls.
I’m irritable and frustrated and acting like a ten-year-old boy who didn’t get the packed lunch he wanted. He didn’t get what all his friends got in their lunches. He’s the kid who goes home and snarls an ungrateful plea at his mother, telling her to be more like the other kids’ moms.
I’m acknowledging my immaturity in this moment. I’m acknowledging...
jake.
Sometimes I feel so indescribably full of something, like my entire chest neck and face are swelling with something warm, something that feels wonderful but mostly makes me anxious…and i just can’t get rid of it when i spend time with him or when i see him…or when i think about him..or when i tell someone about him. I think i’m actually completely in love with another human...
the frondescence around the house gathered slowly, quietly, and most of all, in a large mass. waiting to engulf and swallow. the near impregnation of silence with noise. a noise which could be seen but not heard. to the deaf it’s the roaring sound of ___
November 2011
2 posts
effexor is a nightmare. without effexor is a nightmare.
October 2011
1 post
4 tags
September 2011
1 post
July 2011
2 posts
I’m watching my cat, who just ingested my headphones, try to open a box from whole foods that once contained a piece of salmon, which i just ingested. He’s failing quite miserably and it’s sad. oh the lack of posable thumbs.
There’s a mass of physics homework to be done but i doubt i’ll do it. Well, obviously i’ll do it before my test. and study for that...
June 2011
4 posts
May 2011
13 posts
i cannot sleep.
i’m extremely deprived of human contact
i think i’m making a sub/conscious decision to be more lonely than i’d like to be
i feel like i’m going nowhere
in the past two hours because i have not been able to sleep due to my post yoga pass out nap..i’ve come up with four ways to kill myself. none of them are creative. i think i’m just...
making a website
isn’t hard
but it’s tedious
even when using something like cargo collective
and i’m annoyed
can we just turn into cats?
