lately i’ve been wondering if there are people in my life i wish i’d never met. i wish they had never entered my life, impacted it, let me become emotionally attached or otherwise. I’ve always been a firm believer in the idea that you are a conglomeration of everyone,everything and every place that you’ve come across..even if it was for a second. every word you read, every...
Radiohead. Reckoner. Myhearthurts.
One of these days, maybe when we’re in school, i’m just gonna let you know how much of a dick you really are.
i’m not a pleasure to be around. it’s sunny and cheerful outside but my blinds are closed tightly shut so no light comes in. my doors are closed. my room is a mess. it looks like it should be nighttime. i’m sitting in a little corner with blankets and papers and trash everywhere. i look awful. my hair looks sad. my eyes are puffy. i’m fat. my clothes don’t fit. i know...
while in ikea being hassled by my family to find duvet covers i said the word fuck under my breath my mother hasnt spoken to me when i asked if i could go out she told me i was a dirty human being for saying dirty words what would my grandmother think only you can judge yourself ALL THIS BULL SHIT. look around mother, there’s no one here. i grew up with two angry parents and no one...
that shit ain’t free
Most nights I go to sleep angry. I wake up angry. My whole day is damp with the previous night’s misfortune. do you do that too?
Last summer I interned with a surgeon. It was one of the most inspiring experiences of my life. Being right next to a surgeon for 7 hours a day, standing in a freezing OR, smelling the burned flesh when cutting the skin, watching everything from inguinal hernia repairs to a mastectomy- i’ve never loved anything more. The first coronary bypass i saw brought me to tears. Not because it was...
i’m home. everytime i start to think i want to be here, to spend time with them, i’m wrong. i quit smoking. started cutting again. i can’t do all or nothing. i can’t stop both. it’s either or. i don’t care who says what. i’ll upload pictures of barcelona eventually.