you are every color and brushstroke

this is what blogs are for. 
so i won’t feel badly about writing it.
but sometimes, like now, i realize that i have a problem which i did not choose to have
like most people
it hinders me from having good relationships
from doing well in the things i pursue
and if it spend too much time alone or don’t take my medication
it spills over like when you’re boiling pasta and the foam rises over the pot
and it’s just foam so you don’t really have to clean it up
but sometimes the starch from the pasta water dries up on the coils of the stove top and the next time you happen to turn it on
the next time you turn the stove on to cook an entirely new thing
you can smell the starch burning
ever so slightly

sometimes i wish things like suicide weren’t so selfish. and that if i did it no one would be sad or get hurt. then i realize that thinking that way in itself is selfish and stupid but instead of sitting here telling myself that. if i tell it to a bunch of strangers who don’t read this then it will go away for 25 minutes.
cool.

so now i don’t feel stupid about writing this because this is what a secret pointless stupid blog is for.