you are every color and brushstroke

Beautiful Organs: Selling Health

Mon, 13 May 2013 15:19:00 -0400

Why scientists should care about art | At the Interface

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 23:10:39 -0400

Why scientists should care about art | At the Interface:

I think that, just as I’m graduating, people are starting to care about this junction. Although I am choosing to abandon one field…it’s a huge part of my thinking/living/creating/researching process.

Dear universe, I would like something good to happen to me. Instead of losing friends, getting...

Thu, 28 Mar 2013 18:12:12 -0400

Dear universe,
I would like something good to happen to me. Instead of losing friends, getting violently ill, having no future, and destroying my Mac which I use for school…. How about something that’s not so taxing on my mind/body/intellect?

Maybe a bunny magically appears outside my apartment.
Maybe my Mac gets fixed for a reasonable price

Maybe the few people I speak to dont abandon me. Maybe I hear back from grad schools. Hear good things. Maybe I don’t have cancerous cells in my cervix anymore. Maybe I stop getting so sick I can’t go to school. Maybe this Carnegie Mellon nightmare ends. Maybe I feel well enough to do yoga or run. Maybe I stop wanting to get hit by a car.

Maybes are futile.

-s.

i don’t want to walk at graduation. i just want my diploma. end of story. no one sees. no one...

Tue, 19 Mar 2013 19:48:14 -0400

i don’t want to walk at graduation. i just want my diploma. end of story. no one sees. no one has to say a blurb about me. i just get to leave.

what a fucking low point. why is every semester a low point

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 12:50:35 -0500

what a fucking low point. why is every semester a low point

I am ever so thankful for Monica and Jake. They have made this...

Thu, 07 Feb 2013 00:41:06 -0500

I am ever so thankful for Monica and Jake. They have made this surgery/recovery/notjumpingoutthewindow so much better than it would have been alone. If there is any reason to be alive it is the two of them.

It’s okay that my friends abandon me, or that I may not be the best at things, or that my health is never great.

I can count the friends I have on my hands. Probably one hand. I’m sure that in ten years, if...

Thu, 31 Jan 2013 00:01:46 -0500

I can count the friends I have on my hands. Probably one hand. I’m sure that in ten years, if i get that far, that this will all have been some really great learning experience.

exhibition-ism: Julia Randall evokes bubble gum nolstagia by...

Sat, 12 Jan 2013 19:05:02 -0500

exhibition-ism:

Julia Randall evokes bubble gum nolstagia by way of hyper-realistic paintings

Lately I have been really discouraged by the flood of unfortunate events that seem to have broken...

Sat, 12 Jan 2013 17:12:39 -0500

Lately I have been really discouraged by the flood of unfortunate events that seem to have broken through the wall of false strength. I am finishing up my grad school applications, something my heart isn’t fully into. I thought i would be happy to graduate and onto medical school by now, but I guess things never go as planned. My family is in India and not only do my parents not really know about my applications, when I tried to tell them they got angry and refused to listen. I have hypothyroidism, cervical dysplasia, and a cyst in my uterus area that needs surgery, and the flu at the moment. I don’t know how to tackle anything that is being thrown my way. I’m not sure how to go into the semester because I’m afraid of what will happen in the end. I’m afraid that regardless of the fact that I’m 22 and an adult capable of making life decisions, my parents will force me to move back to texas and I will fall back into extreme depression. I think about the places that I have friends. Not really any place. I have jake here and my sister at home. that is pretty much it. laura is in austin. i don’t know.

i’m exhausted. i don’t want to treat any of the medical problems i have because i’m tired of hearing bad news. these things arent supposed to happen to women my age who take care of themselves. i eat right and i work out. oh well.

the happy mask: carnegie mellon must address stress culture

Fri, 14 Dec 2012 11:17:00 -0500

the happy mask: carnegie mellon must address stress culture:

This article is informative. I think it addresses issues that are true for many universities and something we all knew coming into freshman year. If you didn’t expect yourself to be stressed out all the time, stretched beyond your limits, and confused, then you probably should have gone to a college with a different environment.

All these comments that people are posting on fb and on the page sadden me. People blaming others for not studying on time and not being proactive. The article isn’t about that. It’s about the lack of mobility as a part of this community. You don’t have the time to reach out, you’re constantly stuck, you work really hard and yet things don’t go well..and then you go to CAPS and they tell you that they can’t see you unless you’re about to kill yourself.

My freshman year I had an incident and a crisis team was called, I went to western psych for a month and a half because the university said it was mandatory otherwise I had to leave school. This made sense, so I went, I got some help. My parents paid $900.00 and HOUR out of pocket for me to go there. When I came back the next semester and said I could no longer afford to go to therapy and that I would like to just see someone at CAPS, the dean of student affairs told me that i was not allowed to see anyone at CAPS, and had to seek help outside the university from more qualified psychologists. I tried to fight this and they said that I wouldn’t be able to stay at CMU if I didn’t agree to this. They did not offer to pay for me to continue therapy, they did not allow me to utilize the free therapy, they forced my family to pay for something we couldn’t afford. I was a liability. Not a student. Not a person with passion.

In truth, the only thing that got me through to senior year has been my freshman year housefellow, Helen Wang. But other than her, i was told by every advisor and the people at CAPS that my depression and ideation was too much of a stigma. Being pre-med I must hide it. I can’t talk about it in an interview. I shouldn’t say how it makes me a stronger person, a more empathetic person. That MAYBE i should go into some other field where the stigma is not there.

My problem was and is not that I am lazy. that i don’t seek help. that i don’t know how to study. It’s that I did all of those things, still have depression, and was turned away by the school that is literally taking all of my money. I came here for the education and was shocked at how students who possess healthy mental capacity are treated differently.

I wish that people didn’t look at individuals with mental setbacks as broken. or not worth the time. or a liability.

The students have a problem but the school has a problem with how they view those of us who do seek help. The qualifications of the faculty at CAPS is not up to par with professionals outside the university. They are not qualified to treat students with severe depression. I wouldn’t have known that except the dean said it to my face. So maybe there are a lot of things that have to happen.

Students have to know what to expect. Stop setting impossible standards. Stop wanting to do everything in the world. Focus on a few things and excel at them. But then the school needs to remove this stigma.

darksilenceinsuburbia: Cao Hui. Visual Temperature - Sofa,...

Sun, 02 Dec 2012 11:24:26 -0500

darksilenceinsuburbia:

Cao Hui. Visual Temperature - Sofa, 2008. Mixed material of resin, fibre, etc, 98 x 106 x 108 cm.

sometimes i wonder if i got into carnegie mellon by accident, if i’m just regular, everyone...

Sat, 10 Nov 2012 17:26:32 -0500

sometimes i wonder if i got into carnegie mellon by accident, if i’m just regular, everyone talks about the students of cmu like they’re filled with this talent, intelligence, skill, prospect…that only special kinds of people have. i don’t know if i’m like that. or if i’ll be as great as everyone else here.

must be the flu talking.

being a student is like putting life on hold and living in a continuum of semesters. you put your...

Wed, 07 Nov 2012 20:41:00 -0500

being a student is like putting life on hold and living in a continuum of semesters. you put your life on hold for the day off. the breaks. the days that are free and in between. when you near completion you have to take charge of your life and the people in it. when you realize that the people in it are also part of the suspension, everything is quiet. you have to be alone because regardless of the suspensions, the moving parts, the parts that are miscible….you’re always the only thing thats the same.

charmaineolivia: Gerhard Richter

Wed, 31 Oct 2012 18:21:25 -0400

charmaineolivia:

Gerhard Richter

Apoptosis is the paradox of life and death. This series displays...

Thu, 11 Oct 2012 22:27:00 -0400

Apoptosis is the paradox of life and death.

This series displays the similarity of sexual cannibalism seen in praying mantis’ and the complexity of apoptosis- programmed cell death. In order to continue life, the body will eradicate parts of itself. After mating, the female praying mantis consumes the male due to the fact that he is the closest source of nutrients after mating which promotes successful fertilization.

we are all eating each other to stay alive. afloat. we are consuming ourselves

my inability to relate to people is becoming a problem.

Thu, 11 Oct 2012 22:24:57 -0400

my inability to relate to people is becoming a problem.

today is a hard day. i feel incredibly jealous and am trying to let go of that.i feel at a loss for...

Wed, 10 Oct 2012 01:04:06 -0400

today is a hard day.
i feel incredibly jealous and am trying to let go of that.
i feel at a loss for choice. i don’t know how to choose between a person i love and my education (location wise i suppose).

the last risk i took was coming to CMU. that didn’t turn out too well.

I had someone tell me I couldn’t be a doctor and a mother. You’re wrong.

Tue, 02 Oct 2012 08:41:14 -0400

I had someone tell me I couldn’t be a doctor and a mother.

You’re wrong.

Book i made….on the topic of genetic engineering and the...

Sun, 23 Sep 2012 13:16:00 -0400

Book i made….on the topic of genetic engineering and the transhuman view. I’m currently making these into 7 ft tall paintings.

Plantae sapien provides a scientific and artistic commentary on the expanses of genetic engineering in the 21st century. The book is a study of anatomy, plants, and the unit created when they are merged. The manifestation as a series of illustrations provides an encyclopedia of what could possibly become the posthuman future. While exaggerated and pushed to an extreme, Plantae sapien is merely the Haeckel and Vesalius of the future. It is the documentation of the transhuman ideal in a foreseeable future- questioning the boundaries of scientific and genetic exploration

I guess my statement about the piece in general is: our scientific progress is limited by our ethics.

www.cargocollective.com/shephalysoni

audreyhepburncomplex: “Ginger & Rosa” trailer, with the...

Sat, 08 Sep 2012 18:42:40 -0400

audreyhepburncomplex:

“Ginger & Rosa” trailer, with the lovely Elle Fanning as Ginger.